I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I FOUND THE LEGS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
