I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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