I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
