oh god the rape fog is back!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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