I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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