what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
