Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
