I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
