he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
