She's JV to your varsity
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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