Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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