those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
