Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
