I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
