Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
