I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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