he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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