is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
