My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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