I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
