The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
