the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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