'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
