I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Terrible idea I love it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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