did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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