Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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