Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
