summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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