your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
