I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize