Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
