lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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