Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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