No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
