Who did Billy Mays play for?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
