I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
