grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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