Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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