she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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