dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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