Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
