Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
