i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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