Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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