stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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