She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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