bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
