We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
