Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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