some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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