I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
