we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
