dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
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you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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