Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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