I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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