I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
