Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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