well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
