Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was like eating out sand paper
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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