i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
