actually, I'm a sock model
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
