yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
