There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
