Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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