It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
