Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
