Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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