she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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