You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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