Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
