It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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